Prisoners Of The Moon
by Hakkai's Lady
Summary: Challenge fic for Mistress Vamp's The Wolf Inside Bill Weasley's life is crumbling and only one person understands what it's like. Remus Lupin may be the only one who can save Bill from his own demons. RLBW SLASH
1. Chapter 1

AN- I am overlapping challenge fics here. Mistress Vamp requested a Bill/Remus fic, and LibbyLooLynne requested a crippled Harry/ Severus fic (Once Upon A Broke Heart will be posted soon). I am going to stay fairly close to HPB, but there may be my own twists here and there. The entire story is based around this quote:

_ "It hurts when the full moon arrives. He doesn't change, he doesn't become another, yet he feels it deep within his veins. Blood becomes warm. Chest starts to tighten. Throat closes in and his eyes turn dark. It only took one time. They all left. He was alone. Except for one. _

_One man knows what it's like to have the demon inside. To have the wolf howling for release, clawing to get free. He knows what it was to fight. To lose. He never accepted, yet he understood. He was his rock. His world. He was his one true protector._"

From the challenge by Mistress Vamp.

Prisoners of the Moon

Prologue

"You are drunk," Fleur said huffily as she stared down at the disheveled form of her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Bill stunk of something foul, and didn't seem to care enough change his vomit-stained shirt. Two years ago, she would have been sympathetic, but now… "Von't you even get up to tell me goodbye?"

His large blue eyes locked on her with absolute hatred. "Why should I? You left a long time ago?"

"Did I? Eet waz my feeling zat you left me!" she bit back.

Bill laughed darkly, and stood up shakily. He pulled a stack of photographs from the drawer. For a moment, he just stared at them. "Courtesy of our favorite spy."

The blonde woman's hands shook as she reached out for them. They were all of her and Ettiene, a wizard that she had been sleeping with for several months. Some of them, in fact, were rather graphic. Her breath caught. "I did not vant to hurt you," she said softly as the tears feel.

"Well, darling, you certainly are beautiful enough for both of us, and there isn't a man alive who doesn't see it," he told her with a laugh. What was he laughing at? Himself? Fleur? The world? It didn't matter anymore, as he sank back to the floor and picked up his bottle. They could all go to hell.

"Au revoir, Bill." The door shut behind her.

Chapter 1: Tea for Two

Remus Lupin stared out his window at the rain pouring down. Diagon Alley was practically a canal by this point. A few witches and wizards braved the weather with umbrellas and ever-dry charms, but not many. "Another slow day," he muttered to the black cat sitting on the windowsill. The feline appeared to enjoy that fact thoroughly. "That means you can pet me more," she seemed to say as she rubbed against his leg. He scooped the cat up, and idly scratched her ears. After a while, he fell into a sort of daydream.

Suddenly, the bell sounded at the shop door, and a soaking wet witch stepped in. Remy jumped to his feet sending the cat scurrying away. "Welcome to Lupin's Rare Books."

A girlish giggle came from under the clock, as it fell to reveal long red hair and a stunningly beautiful face. "Such service," Ginny Weasley said with a smile. "How are you Remus?"

"Ginny, it's been such a long time. I've been well, and you….Mrs. Longbottom?" He asked. It was so strange that little Ginny was married. He rarely thought of her like that.

In reply, she gave him an impish half-grin, and swept away the bottom half of her cloak. She was already quite large. "We're doing very well."

He sighed. "Children having children. The world has gone mad."

Her hands fell naturally to her hips, and she was the younger, slimmer version of her mother. "I am no child. I'm a married woman of twenty-one."

"Well, my aged Mrs. Longbottom, what can I do for you?" he asked with a smile.

All of the mirth drained from her face. "I have a favor to ask."

"Ginny, you know I will do whatever I can to help. What's wrong?" He put his hands on her shoulders gently. It was such a fatherly gesture that it only made her cry.

"I…I…It's Bill, really," she answered finally. "He hasn't been well for some time now."

Remus bowed his head. "I did hear that he and Fleur split….what a year ago?"

Ginny nodded. "But things started long before that. May I sit down?"

"Oh, forgive me. My manners aren't what they used to be," he apologized. "There is a sitting room in the back."

He led her into the tiny room behind one of the bookcases. Though small, it was a comfortable parlor. The fire was roaring, and there were two overstuffed armchairs and a little table. Remus took Ginny's cloak, and flicked his wand making tea and biscuits appear on a try. "Thank you," Ginny said taking a cup.

"I did fear that Bill was taking things a bit TOO well during the war," he commented as he sat down.

"It was all a farce. He wasn't fine, he was simply putting all of his hate and anger into the fight. When it was over, well, there was nowhere left for it to go. He began drinking about three years ago, and hasn't stopped since. It's like he's changed entirely. Bill was always so kind and fun-loving, but he's become bitter and mean. I'd almost rather deal with Snape….ALMOST. And then there's the pain. You can't imagine how much he hurts!" Instantly, Ginny seemed to realize what she had said. "Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…"

He nodded with a sad smile. "It's quite alright."

"I just want to see him happy again," Ginny said with new tears brimming in her eyes.

Remus bit his lip. He guessed that something like this would happen. It wasn't easy to go from being a handsome, normal wizard to being a scarred demi-werewolf. People shied away from him now. Though the ministry had been somewhat more sympathetic to lycanthropes these days, it was still an up hill battle to be accepted. The greatest difficulty, of course, was the way one viewed himself in this situation, and he couldn't see Fleur being much of a help adjusting, either. Yes, Remus was very empathetic to Bill's plight. "You think I can help him come to terms with everything?"

"I can't think of anyone else who might be able to do it. Will you? Will you please help my brother?"

"Of course, I will. I'll do anything I can. Though, I will warn you—I'm not sure I can do much. Most of it is up to Bill," Remus said solemnly. "I can't make him change his mind."

Ginny nodded sadly. "All I ask is that you try."

The clock on the mantle chimed, and Ginny excused herself leaving Remus with nothing but the empty teapot for company. His throat felt painfully tight. Poor Bill Weasley, he thought, what an awful way to go about your life. True, Remus was no stranger to the pain the moon brought, but at least he was able to fully change. Bill didn't even have that. His hands tightened in determination. He would help Bill.

But where should he start? It wasn't as if he had ever been the best of friends with Bill to begin with. They had been comrades in the Order, and Remus had loved his parents, but that didn't warrant a random appearance. If he told Bill that he had spoken to Ginny, he would likely shut him out. This was quite the predicament. Aside from Ginny, the only connection he had to the rest of the Weasley siblings was Harry Potter. Now, that was an idea with some merit!

He decided to place a firecall to Snape Manor. With a pop, the disembodied head of Severus Snape appeared. "What the devil do you want, Lupin?" the former potions professor asked.

Remus was used to this kind of thing from Severus, and bore it with a grin. "I was hoping Harry might be around."

"Bloody hell, Lupin, you have the worst timing of any man I know! I will get him," Snape complied with a scowl. Remus didn't want to know what he had interrupted. When it had been revealed that Snape had killed Dumbledore according the headmaster's own plan, it had taken everyone a very long time to trust him again. It had been something of a shock—to put it lightly—when Harry announced his love for the spy.

After a few minutes, Harry's head now appeared in the fireplace. "Remus! It's wonderful to see you! I was wondering where you've been," Harry chided him with a smile.

"I've been a slave to my store, Harry," he lied. It wouldn't do to tell Harry how jealous Remus was of what the couple had. "Ginny Weasley was just in this afternoon."

Harry's eyebrows shot up. "Oh?"

"She was telling me some rather unfortunate news about Bill, and I was wondering if you knew anything about it?"

"I do," Harry told him sadly. "Recently, I've been making it a habit to go see him every so often. I know all too well what it's like to have your life changed drastically."

A lump raised in Remus' throat. He guessed Harry did. The Boy Who Lived had not escaped Voldemort's wrath unscathed. It had taken months of therapy and hospital stays to get Harry back on his feet again, and even now the young man had a heavy limp and carried a cane. "If only we all were as strong as you are, Harry."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Would you like to come with me? He's not the best of company, but he didn't throw me out last time."

"Last time? You mean he's tossed you out before?" Remus asked in shock. Never would he imagine that Bill Weasley would do such a thing.

"He didn't exactly "throw" me out, he more pointedly told me to get out. Last time, though, I stayed for almost an hour. I think he was in a better mood."

Remus had a sinking feeling in his stomach. This was not going to be an easy task. Now, he wondered if he would even be able to help at all. When Sirius was in his funk….no, he wouldn't think about Sirius. He snapped himself back to reality. "When are you going?"

"Well," Harry said thoughtfully, "I don't think I am doing anything tomorrow. Would that suit you? I normally don't call or anything, because he won't answer firecalls or open his owls."

"Tomorrow is fine. I have help during the afternoon."

"Alright then, why don't we meet for lunch and then go over?"

It was settled, but Remus still didn't feel any better about this. I have to be positive, he reminded himself. For the sake of Bill Weasley, he had to come through.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I Know How You Feel

Bill Weasley spent the day as he did every day. He cracked his eyes open in the later afternoon, and got himself out of whatever heap he had passed out into the night before. If he was feeling "good," he would shower and put on clean clothes, and then eat something. Most days, he did not feel good. In fact, most days he simply opened another bottle and sat around the house. Today was one of those days.

Ginny had stopped by the day before. As usual, she'd brought a few shrunken bags worth of groceries, and a casserole. She'd picked up a few things here and there in his dingy little flat, and then given up. He really didn't know why she bothered at all. It wasn't as if it made a difference. The carpet was stained, and the drapes were torn to shreds. All of the furniture was battered, and some of it broken. He did these things every time a full moon rose in the sky, and there was no point in cleaning things back up again. If anyone came, which hardly anyone did, they would just have to live with. The problem was that Ginny didn't see things this way. She would come and do her best to fix the place up. She was so much like their mother.

That was another reason he couldn't stand to have her there. He didn't have it in him to see the pale reflections of his mother staring at him. The guilt he felt was too much for him. She had always been so proud of him. What would his mother think if she could see him now? And his father… The world wasn't the same with out Arthur and Molly Weasley in it.

He pushed away all of these thoughts, and stood shakily to his feet. His own stench got to him when he breathed in deep. It had been days since he had bothered to shower, and weeks since he'd shaved. Instantly, his head began to throb. If only he had some of the hangover potions that he'd found in the university. He groaned as he began searching the cabinets for a bottle. Shoving aside the food that Ginny had brought, he couldn't seem to find what he was looking for. It was here yesterday, I know it was, he thought to himself. Then an idea came to him. "That bitch," he said aloud pounding a fist into the wall.

Always so high and mighty! What the fuck gave her the right to take his whiskey? She didn't understand. No one did. Why couldn't she just let him be? If he died of alcohol poisoning, so be it! It wasn't as if he valued his life in the least. What gave her the right? She would always look at him oh so sympathetically, and say, "I know how you feel." That was the biggest load of shite he had ever heard. She knew nothing about what it was like. Nothing!

Bill pulled on light spring jacket over his dirty clothes. She left him no choice but to go buy more. The ministry paid for his booze these days. It was compensation for all of his sacrifices with the Order. How pathetic! He had just enough in his pocket to pick up a decent bottle of firewhiskey from the liquor store.

By the time he was back, he spotted a pair of figures standing in the hall. He recognized one by the cane he carried. It took a moment to see who the other was. Harry Potter and Remus Lupin! Just what he needed, two more people meddling with his life! If Harry hadn't spotted him, he would have turned around and left, but there was no hope of that as he watched Harry hobble over to him.

"I'd thought we'd missed you," Harry said with false friendliness. Bill could see the way he eyed his attire and the brown paper bag tucked under his arm. "Shopping?"

"Er, yeah." Bill turned his attention to Lupin who's eyes were practically ablaze with pity. Between the two of them, he knew there was no escape. Taking out his keys, he walked into the flat. "What brings you out here today?"

"I had just told Harry that I hadn't seen you in sometime, and I wanted to come see how you were doing," Remus said smoothly. As always, he was damned polite. His appearance hadn't change all that much in the two years since Bill had seen him last. There was a bit more gray in his auburn hair, a few more wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. He was dressed much better these days. Life had obviously been better for Remus. He looked good, and Bill didn't believe for a second that he was telling the truth.

Bill shrugged, and glanced about the place. He gestured to the only two unbroken bar chairs in the place before taking his own spot on the couch. "Oh, I'm very well, thank you," he said mocking Remus' formality. "Was there anything else you wanted?"

"Not particularly. I just thought I'd drop by for old times sake."

Old times, what a joke. That was the same excuse that Harry used. What they were really doing was making sure he wasn't dead. He buried his hands in his greasy, knotted hair. "The old times are over with."

"So they are," Remus agreed.

Harry frowned. "That doesn't mean we should all lay down and die. Severus and I are quite happy….so is you sister."

Bill's patience was at an end. No longer caring that they were there, he pulled the bottle from the bag. "Anyone else care for a drink?" he asked sardonically.

Harry muttered something under his breath, but Remus nodded. "Just a bit. It's been years since I've touched the stuff."

He smiled as he found a clean glass and poured. Offering the glass to Remus, he noted the way the older man seemed to stare at the liquid. To his credit, he downed the contents without the slightest sign of discomfort. Bill turned to the bottle, and hauled it to his lips.

"I think it's time we were going," Harry announced. His lips were thinned, and he looked somewhat confused by what was going on.

Remus shook his head. "I'd like to stay a while, if that is alright with you, Bill?"

"I could care less," Bill replied.

The raven-haired young man picked up his cane, and stood. "I'll see you both again soon I hope."

With Harry gone, the two men just sat there in silence. Bill offered Remus more whiskey, but Remus demurred. He looked about the place calmly. There was no judgmental air about him as he did it though. This wasn't at all what Bill had been expected. "What are you about?" he asked finally.

Remus shrugged. "At the moment, it seems I'm visiting my own past."

"Don't you dare tell me that you know how I feel!" Bill spat caustically.

Amber eyes stared him down. "No, I wouldn't dream of it. You and I may be similar in some ways, but I don't know how you feel."

"Finally someone with some god damned sense."

"I imagine you did most of this during the moon." Remus waited a moment for an answer, and continued. "This perhaps isn't the best place to be for that."

"I put wards on the doors, and silencing charms on the walls. I've been considerate enough to spare my neighbors the sounds of my screams," Bill told him looking away. He didn't want to think about the moon.

"Bill, I would like you to consider coming with me during the next one. I have a safe place set up, and with the wolfsbane potion, I wouldn't be a danger to you."

That made him laugh. "You? A danger to me? You think I am afraid that you'll bite me?"

Remus sighed. "Consider it." He pulled out his card. "My store is in Diagon Alley, and I am almost always there."

Bill stared at the card, and didn't bother to tell Remus goodbye.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Sanctuary

Remus glanced at his watch nervously. Though he hadn't been back to Bill's since that afternoon, he was still hoping the young man would take him up on his offer. The prospect of a full moon always put him on edge, even after all these years. It wasn't something you could just get used to and go on with. Bones grinding, shifting, and breaking. The feel of having your flesh tear away from you and the reform. No, he would never be used to it. The pain was too much. He could only imagine what it was like for Bill.

Severus dropped off his potion later early in the day. Remus couldn't say that he'd entirely forgiven the man. The deaths of his lover and his mentor were too closely related to Snape for Remus to simply forgive. Obviously, Snape had his own misgivings about the werewolf. Both of them had decided long ago that it was best to bury that kind of thing for Harry's sake, but that did not mean it was not awkward for them.

Remus had been reorganizing one of the shelves when Severus arrived. "Busy as usual, I see," Snape snarked as he glanced around the room.

"Things are never busy on a Monday afternoon," Remus replied unfazed by the sarcasm. He smiled warmly, and set aside his books. "Thank you for coming."

Though the dark man said nothing, his rather annoyed expression was enough. The potions master folded his arms across his chest. He was obviously waiting for Remus to say something more. After a few moments of Remus' confused silence, he signed. "I've made a few improvements to it. This one may dull the pain a bit for you, though a make no promises about that."

Staring at the potion with renewed sense of gratefulness, Remus thanked the man again. "You have no idea what this means to me. I don't take what you do for granted, not even for a second."

"I think you know why I do it," Severus said coldly. "Harry cares about you, and that moronic Gryffindor has become more important to me than anything. I won't have him wasting his time worrying about you. Now he has me doing experiments for the Weasley git too. If you want to be grateful, be grateful that he's your friend."

Remus nodded. "I am."

"Owl me with the results," Severus said curtly.

"I will, and please tell Harry that I send my best."

The rest of the day went rather quickly. He sold a few of his more expensive volumes. Most of the clientele that came through the door was interested in browsing over buying. Remus watched as they roamed over the shelves. The bell on the door jingled twenty minutes before close.

Bill Weasley walked in wearing a stained shirt and torn dragon skin jacket. Remus remembered that jacket from years ago. It used to be stylish and fitted, but now it seemed to resemble the man who wore it. The red head looked around the store nervously as though he were sure something awful was waiting for him.

Remus smiled, and turned the "open" sign over with the flick of his wand. "I'm glad you decided to come."

"I don't know why I did," Bill said speaking to the floor.

"Because you don't have anymore furniture to break?" Remus offered hoping to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, Bill didn't seem to see the humor in this. If anything, he looked more awkward than he had before. He knew why Bill was there, if Bill himself did not. "You don't want to be alone through it, but you never want anyone else to see it."

"So maybe you do understand," Bill admitted. "We've only got about an hour until sundown."

"I know. Come with me," Remus told him. Without a word, they walked to Remus' home a few blocks away. It was a nondescript little place, though it was neat. His home was a reflection of himself in many ways. The inside was much nicer. Harry had insisted that they split the Black fortune--in fact, if it were up to Harry, Remus would have taken it all. Using his newfound wealth, Remus had made himself a comfortable life. Every inch of the interior here bespoke of comfort and intelligence. The older man watched as Bill paused by an old photograph of Sirius and himself.

"Do you still miss him?" he asked softly.

Remus nodded. "I always will."

Bill set the photo aside. "After you."

Remus took Bill to the kitchen, and lifted a hidden door in floor. It led to a hidden room that was sectioned off from the rest of the basement. There was only one way in or out, for caution's sake. The rickety old stairs that led down to the floor creaked as it held their weight. Candles began to ignite as the pair hit the ground. This was perhaps one of the most dismal places Remus had ever seen, but he had designed it this way to accommodate the beastly part of himself. The padded walls with their shredded coverings did not offend the wolf nearly as much as they offended the man. "This is it," Remus said bleakly.

He pointed his wand at the wall, and a small cupboard appeared in the wall. "I usually leave my clothes in there for the night."

Bill nodded. "We don't have a whole lot of time."

"No," Remus confirmed, "we do not. I took my potion earlier."

It felt very uncomfortable to be going through this with another person in the room. Over the years, Remus had gotten quite used to his solitude. As he began removing his clothing, he could feel Bill's eyes on him. Getting naked with an old queet was probably not Bill's idea of an enjoyable evening, but when Remus turned to face him there was no disgust in his eyes. He noted that Bill was staring intently on the scar on Remus' calf.

"That's where he bit you, isn't it?" Bill asked.

"Yes…." Remus would have said more, but he felt the first sting of the moon. "Time isn't on our side."

He hurried and put his clothes away, and Bill handed him his own. "Never is," Bill agreed through gritted teeth.

Remus had just enough time to clasp the chain around his neck, when the change began in earnest. The crackling and popping of his bones was only surpassed by his screams. Even with the potion, Remus' mind could barely comprehend anything but pain. It felt as though his flesh was being ripped from the bone. He let out one last human cry that turned into a howl.

Slowly, Bill's screams started to register in Remus' mind. He was aware enough to understand what was happening to the young man. He watched as Bill writhed and screamed in absolute agony. His body desperately wanted to change, but couldn't. The young man thrashed about violently, clawing at anything he could grasp. His face contorted in pain, and his eyes were pleading for it to stop. Finally, he collapsed on the floor. He had exhausted himself to the point where he could only lie there and whimper pitifully. It cut into Remus' heart as he watched.

In wolf form, there was little Remus could do to comfort him. He laid down beside Bill on the cold stone floor. Nuzzling the young man's hand, he began to wonder if it would ever stop for either of them.

Morning came mercifully quick. The transformation from wolf to man was less painful, but still excruciating by normal standards. At first, Remus didn't have the energy to move. Lying there staring at Bill's unconscious form, he let his gaze trace the vicious looking scars on Bill's face. Though they had healed, Bill was no where near the handsome man he had been before. The beard and long hair only seemed to make the scars more sinister looking. _First things first, _Remus chided himself picking himself off of the floor.

He dressed quickly, and noticed that he had done considerably little damage to himself the night before. There were the typical wounds from the transformation itself, but Bill's presence had kept the wolf at bay. Remus snorted with disgust as he picked up Bill's tattered, dirty clothing. This would not do. Grabbing his wand, Remus conjured a blanket, and wrapped it around Bill.

"Bill, it's time to get up," Remus called softly. An agonized moan escaped Bill's lips. "Shh, It's alright," Remus soothed.

With the help of a levitating charm, Remus managed to get Bill into the bedroom, and onto the soft mattress. It took all of the will and strength Remus had, but he made it to the guest room before he passed out.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Wake Up

Bill's eyes cracked open ever so slightly, and then shut tight against the pain that assailed him. The mornings after the moon were nearly as bad as the moon itself. Unable to summon up the will to move his aching limbs, he simply laid there. He couldn't recall a time when his bed had felt so soft, or when his sheets smelled so clean. It was almost like being on a cloud. _I should really wash the sheets more often,_ he thought idly. But then something occurred to him. Bill opened his eyes again, and was greeted by a bright, sunny room with neat bookcases. He pushed himself up, and groaned as his muscles protested. This was Remus' home, he remembered.

He scanned the room looking for his clothes, and swore vehemently when he couldn't find them. On the chair, lay a note atop a folded robe.

_Bill,_

_I know it was rather presumptuous of me, but I took the liberty of taking your clothes to be cleaned. I would have woke you hours ago, but you looked peaceful, and I know how the moon can take a toll on a body. Rest as long as you like. When you are ready, I will be in the sunroom and there will be a meal ready…..though at this rate I am not sure what meal. _

_Your friend,_

_Remus_

Bill frowned. He had half a mind to walk out there stark naked and demand his clothes, but he felt the slightest bit of his old conscience popping up in the back of his mind. Remus had been nothing but kind to him. It wouldn't do to shock the older man out of his mind. Then again, if anyone had been shocked recently, it was Bill. There was so much about Remus that he hadn't expected. Never had he dreamed that Remus would strip so casually before him the night before. A wave of lust hit Bill as he recalled the scene before him. Though slender, Remus was well built. It was all Bill could do keep his eyes from drifting places they shouldn't.

Years ago…or was it a lifetime ago…Bill had a terrible crush on the werewolf. When he was seventeen, he recalled his first face to face meeting with Remus. Before that, he had caught glimpses of him as his parents snuck about doing the work of the Order, but he hadn't actually gotten to know Remus well until he joined the order himself. By then, Bill had come to terms with his own sexuality. He never officially told his parents that he was bisexual, but they'd never really asked. When Fleur came into his life, Bill was completely entranced by the blonde and forgot all about his boyhood crush. It didn't, however change who he was.

A sardonic snort escaped him. Man or woman, he doubted anyone would want him now. He saw the way people looked at him. If they didn't despise him for his face, they did when they found out what he really was. Bill didn't really blame Fleur for leaving him.

Bill wrapped himself in the robe, and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was just after three in the afternoon when he made his way to find Remus. The werewolf was in the sunroom, as promised, with a book open. He smiled when he saw Bill enter. "I was just beginning to worry about you," Remus said putting the book aside. "I have a late lunch for you if you're up to it."

"I've slept longer after a moon," Bill told him dismissingly. He eyed the plate sitting on the little table. "Have any coffee?"

Remus pulled out his wand, and a steaming cup appeared. "I have a potion to add, if you'd like. I find it takes away some of the soreness." At Bill's nod, he added a liberal amount to the brew.

"I know something that does that too."

The younger man was being purposely rude, but it didn't seem to perturb Remus in the least. "Yes, but that leads to its own set of problems, don't you think?"

"I think it would be less of a problem if people would leave me the bloody hell alone," Bill snapped. He wasn't in the mood for lectures.

"Until they do, Bill, and then what? What happens when you are completely isolated? Will you be happy?"

"Happy is absolute bullshit. I haven't been happy since that monster stole my life. Not that you would know anything about it. I can't believe that you all just can't let me go!" Bill sent the mug hurtling across the room. "Damn it! I don't want this!"

An old pain flashed in Remus' amber eyes. "No, I wouldn't know anything about having your life shattered. I never lost anything I cared about, did I? You may deny that I know what it is like to look at the pieces of your world falling in ashes around you, that I don't know what it is to loose the one person you thought you could trust, but let me tell you something--you can blame other people to a point, and then you have to make your own choices."

Bill sank to the chair. In his heart, he knew that Remus was right, but he just couldn't seem to shake the darkness that had fallen over him. "But what choices do I have left?"

The werewolf smiled. "You can choose to rebuild your life."

"But to what purpose?"

"That is your own decision. Have you given any thought to going back to work?"

Bill rolled his eyes. "And do what? Who would hire me?"

Remus just smiled. "I would. I could use some help in the bookstore for a while, if you'd like to get out of the house for a while. And people just might surprise you, Bill."

"I doubt it," Bill muttered under his breath.

Remus pulled a watch from his pocket. "I'm meeting Harry for dinner at seven, would you care to join us?"

Bill shook his head. He wasn't ready to start pretending that his life was just fine. "Tell Harry I said hello."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Back to the Living

Bill winced as he tried desperately to get the last of the snarls from his long hair. He could scarcely remember when he had attempted to managed his hair, but today he had deemed that it was time to take Remus up on his offer. It wouldn't do to show up looking like a bum off of the streets. Bill eyed the scissors for a moment, but dismissed the thought. His hair was perhaps the only thing of his old self that had survived. Shoving the scissors in the drawer, Bill gritted his teeth and went back to the job at hand. By the time he was finished, the long fiery locks were pulled back in his signature pony tail. Next, Bill picked up his razor.

"I must be out of my bloody mind," Bill murmured to his reflection. He'd done a lot of thinking over the past two weeks, and come to the conclusion that there was some truth to what Remus had said. He needed to get out of the house, even if it was only for a few hours.

By the time Bill was finished, he studied the face looking back at him. Without his beard and hair to mask them, his scars looked less sinister. Oh, he was still ugly; he merely looked less menacing. Bill remembered what it was too look in the mirror and think that he looked good. No, he didn't just THINK he looked good, he KNEW he looked good. Women had loved his smile, and so had men.

He slammed his fist into the wall. "What am I thinking?"

In his heart, he knew that if he didn't do this now, he never would. He turned his back on the mirror, and left that demon for another day. Bill threw on his old jacket turning the collar up like he had years ago.

Diagon Alley was bustling as always. Few people along the street spared him much more than a glance. Those who did gave him either cold stares or pitying tsks. _You can all go to hell, _he thought morosely. Bill didn't need or want anything from them. All he wanted at that moment was to turn around and go home, but he kept walking until he saw the sign for Remus' store.

The lycanthrope was absently stroking the ears of a thin, black cat when Bill came in. Remus smile was genuine and warm. "It's good to see you, Bill."

Bill couldn't stop himself from smiling back. "I made it," he replied guardedly. "I thought that maybe I'd see if you could use a hand."

"You're timing is impeccable. I received a shipment from a friend in Scotland, and I could use a hand sorting it all out." Remus gestured to a stack of boxes nearly as high as his head.

Bill snorted. "It looks like it."

"Let me show you the back room."

The back of the store looked like a hurricane had hit it. Though clean, there were stacks of books everywhere. Bill had a hard time seeing the rhyme or reason to Remus' stacking methods. The room smelled musty, and reminded him of his days as a curse breaker. He'd spent hours pouring over old texts, and for a second he missed his job. Remus stopped before and empty shelf. "I cleared this off for some of the new stock, but I haven't gotten around to arranging anything yet."

"I can tell. So where do we start?" Bill asked unenthusiastically.

The two men worked and sorted in an easy silence. The books were arranged by subject and title. Remus set aside a stack of the more popular titles to go out on the floor, and handled the few customers to come through the door. Bill was rather glad to be left in the back. He wasn't in the mood to deal with the public just yet. From the front of the store, he could hear Remus laughing and talking to the patrons like he had known them for years. He had to admit that Remus was well suited for this kind of thing.

By noon, they had a definite order to most of the clutter. Bill felt a tiny bit of accomplishment looking at the shelves. Though it wasn't much, it was the first time since the war that his day had any kind of purpose to it. By the way Remus breezed through the piles, he had begun to wonder if he'd needed the help at all. He decided to dismiss the thought as he watched the older man lovingly set aside a volume of poetry.

"I can't resist hoarding some of them for myself. If there is anything you want, feel free to take it," he offered.

Bill scanned the titles. His eyes stopped on a leather bound book. _"How to Hunt and Handle Werewolves and Other Despicable Creatures," _he read aloud. "Lovely."

Remus stiffened. "I have a special place for things like that." He took the book and strode into the hidden sitting room. With his wand, he stoked the flames in the grate, and tossed the filth into the fire. "Normally, I would never agree to burning books, but I can't allow myself to spread this kind of thing through the world."

"I understand," Bill agreed curtly.

"Sometimes," Remus said wearily as he sank into a chair, "I wonder if the bigotry will ever stop. Humanity seems to always find something evil in something different. I'll never say that there aren't dangers associated with werewolves, yet I don't see how people can ignore the fact that lycanthropy is manageable."

"It's never going to stop. People are shallow and stupid. They don't want to know anything more than what they can see." Bill watched as the flames devoured the pages slowly. "Even the woman I married turned out to be nothing more than the rest. For all of her bravado when we wed, she couldn't take a lifetime with me."

"Yet how much were you drinking when she left? I never liked Fleur much, but you can't see only her faults and none of your own. Yes, people aren't perfect, but you can't go through life passing the blame. I learned that the hard way." Remus turned away.

"Did you? Saint Remus made a mistake?" Bill snapped. He was tired of this.

The look in Remus eyes would have silenced any other. Never had the mild mannered werewolf shown his temper, but he was on the brink. His voice was low, but it held a sharp edge to it. "You don't have a clue. Let me tell you something: When I was younger, I pushed everyone away from me because I thought that they would inevitably let me down. I was every bit as narrow minded as the people I feared. Never did I imagine that I would find friends like James and Sirius, and yet when it came time to stand up for my best friend... for my lover I cowered in the corner. I believed the worst of him, and I will NEVER forgive myself for that. I didn't fight for Siri. I didn't even try. Tell me: Did you try for Fleur? Did you stop pitying yourself long enough to see that you were hurting her?"

Bill's knuckles were white with rage. "Shut up!"

"Why? Because you fear that I might be right? You didn't really even try. It's time to admit your mistakes."

"So that I can take the moral high ground and tout it over the rest of the world the way you do?" Bill laughed bitterly.

"So that you can move on with your life and stop being such a pathetic waste of potential," Remus corrected. His amber eyes were as hard as steel. There was no way he was backing down.

"Fuck," Bill swore. "You don't give up do you?"

"Never."

Bill ran a hand through his hair. "I think I'm going to head home."

Remus nodded. "Will you be back?"

Bill only shrugged. "I might be busy."

He left the store feeling sick. God, this was not what he wanted. Bill never wanted to come back again. Remus was showing him an image even more clear and even more ugly than his mirror did every morning. Perhaps, it was time he took a good look.


End file.
